.: Mati lgi baik....ker? :.

dear diary,


ader satu tahap manusia di mana dia dah mula bosan ngan hdup dye yg 'loser'....

setiap apa yg dye buat msty akan 'bacfire' a.k.a berpaling balik pada dye.....or terkene balik pada dye....

bak kata pepatah bagai melepaskan anjing tersepit,kita digit kembali......aq x taw la pepatah neyh btl or x...sbb aq x brapa ingt,,,mklmla kan...BM x pernah dpt A....(sumpahan agaknya~~).....

itulah,bagai kan pepatah tu,kiter neyh cuber tlg org tpi at the end of the day kiter yg kene balik ngan org yg kiter tlong....ntah la....aq sendiri pun bosan ngan hdp aq...aper jer yg aq wat msty akhirnya akan menjadikan aq lagi sedeyh....aq ingt aper yg berlaku 5 thun dulu x kan berulang...tpi siapa sgka,dlm usaha membuang parut lama rupa2nya ianya telah membuka kembali parut tersebut......bgimana lah org lain rasa,biler dye pikir aper yg dye buat kali ini akan betul dari yg lpas tpi sbnrnya hasilnya menjadi sama...malah lebih truk?lebih terluka......mgkin sesetengahnya akan berpikir untuk mengambil jalan termudah ntuk lupakan segala....dengan bnuh dri.....tpi,adkh mati lagi baik?tidak bg aq.....sebagai seorg insan yg pernh bbrapa kali terpikir tntg perkara bodoh neyh,mati bkn jln terbaik dlm menyelesaikan mslh.kerana setiap masalah ader jalan penyelesaiannya...tiada jln bntu dlm hdup~aq bersyukur sbb x amik tindakan bdoh 2....mmg sakit...mmg perit biler jadik mcm neyh.....tpi kiter akan rasa sgt bhgia biler dpt selesaikan mslh neyh nnty (aq hrp akan selesai lah mslh aq neyh......=( )...jadik aq hrp jgnlah ader yg berpikir dengan mati 2 merupakan penyelesaian terbaik dlm hdup...ia merupakan keputusan yg terbodoh yg dibuat.....selain memalukan diri sendri.....ia akan memalukan keluarga dan mencemar maruah mereka...serta secara sia2 kiter akan dilaknat agama~

kesakitan membuatkan aq x mmpu tdo n membuatkan aq berpikir n terus berpikir~

.: Sometimes :.

Dear Diary,

sometimes i just wish that i'm not myself.....

sumtimes i wish i'm not rashdan rashid.....

i want sumbody else to be in my shoes....

to know what is the feeling inside it....

yah,i know....life is not the same for everybody...

i admit it....but i want they 2 experience on how being me....

seems that they like n love to criticise bout me ryte...

so be pleasure..be me n know what i'm going through for the day......

know how is my life about literally....

what i am doing everyday....

how i go through my bad day....

how i got through my obstacles...emotionally n physically....

how i got through everything that happen n still keep try to smile for others n keep company for others..

making others happy n smiling although it is bleeding in me....

i want them to know what is my life all about...

not just see what i do n then critics bout it....

not every feelings or emotion i can describe in words~ there is still some that only thought can describe it......

i really want this bear.... =(

[people says : be careful on what you wish for.....]

.: Did it so bad to u?i'm so sorry :.

dear diary,


how could i start it.....while my tears flowing through my cheek, i'm thinking "am i bad enough to make him angry with me this much?"...erm... i know what hav i done to him is bad.....i have promise and make a deal with him...but i cancelled at the last minute.....wlupun ader org lain yg nak kan deal ngan dye....dye sggup tolak sebab aq...tpi ini yg aq wat kat dye.....since last nyte.....after we fight a bit bout the 'deal',he never reply any of my text....hurm~ it seems that is the 'balasan' to like me.....ntah la...aq terpaksa tolak deal tue....aq terpaksa...bkn aq sengaja......aq dah kata,mmg niat aq nak tlong kaw tpi aq terpaksa tolak...sebab di saat2 akhir aq baru taw yg aq x boleh nak teruskan deal tue....aq berharap sgt semoga ader org akan bg deal yg bih baik pada kaw....I'm so sorry......u know ryte aq x kan sakiti kaw......erm~ thinking of this really make me feel bad.....not taking my lunch..or my dinner....i know it is stupid but.....i dunno y i/m doing it.....well, things had happen ryte....n i always pray d best for u.....btw, gudluck k for u 1st job.....do ur best...i believe in u because i know u can make it...ganbatte2~! oh diary,i hope i will feel better after i tell it to you.....luv ya mr.diary~ <3

.: Keputusan :.

Dear Diary,

it is not an easy thing to make a decision...

whatever decision it is....it always has its own hardness....especially if the decision is involving my future.....it juz so damn hard......recently i have to make a decision...a huge kinda decision...it also involving my future with it....it is a lie if i said that i can make it without think it for at least 3 days~ yah.....i have think bout it more than 3 days....there is a lot of criteria that i need to consider.....not enough with that,the pressure given by others also make me hard to accomplish a decision...OMG~ only god knows how hard i think bout it.....it just give pain to my whole body......and now,i have reach my decision.....althogh i thonk it is not the best decision to everybody but i think it is the best decision for me now.....believe me,it is not easy for me to accept my own decision regarding that i really need the things that been offered,i really feel sad that i have to neglect the offer...i feel really bad.....bad till i felt my teas when i write this.....but like i said....it is the best decision i can make for now...for myself,for my family n for people that i love n care here.....this is d best....although there is some lost with it...iaccept the lost......for them......one more thing,if u fren have some hard decidion to make,help them.not burden them with your tought and make them harder to make the decision....like i'm said "it is hard for me to make the decision,please don't make it harder for me...."...i've been in that shoe,and irs really no fit me well....

- EnJeru